Hey readers and friends,
First of all THANK YOU! Thank you for letting me vent and for your awesome support and sweet emails. I am sure that I may have alarmed some of my closest friends and to those of you, please know that I am OK... I am not having thoughts of suicide and I am actually not in an extreme low right now. There was an incident on Saturday that precipitated my anger and I figured I'd try a different avenue for expressing how I was feeling. If nothing else, I have learned that there is a great network of people do "get it" in blog land and for that I am thankful. I feel pretty safe here.
So many of you have written things that really hit home. It is good to know that many suffer from the same torment that I do but on the flip side it is sad. Folks have recommended therapy and encouraged me to stay on my meds. Thank you for your advice and concern. I have been dealing with depression since my early 20's and have been on more meds than I care to count. I had a difficult pregnancy dealing with the depression and refused to take even drugs that were considered "safe" for fear of what might affect my daughter. Shortly after delivery I was in utter despair and had to be treated for post-partum depression. I have been medicated ever since and have undergone some extensive therapy for over a year. I am glad that I can recognize when I am slipping into a low point and can take action to prevent that. I once lamented to my therapist that I had difficulty thinking that I'd have to spend the rest of my life never feeling "good". For the most part, I guess I feel the closest to "good" as I have in a loooong time but unfortunately my "good" also includes episodes like Saturday's. It is a comfort to me to know that I have a place where I can come and vent, express myself through writing and a little digital art, without being judged.