20 August 2007

thank you

Hey readers and friends,
First of all THANK YOU! Thank you for letting me vent and for your awesome support and sweet emails. I am sure that I may have alarmed some of my closest friends and to those of you, please know that I am OK... I am not having thoughts of suicide and I am actually not in an extreme low right now. There was an incident on Saturday that precipitated my anger and I figured I'd try a different avenue for expressing how I was feeling. If nothing else, I have learned that there is a great network of people do "get it" in blog land and for that I am thankful. I feel pretty safe here.

So many of you have written things that really hit home. It is good to know that many suffer from the same torment that I do but on the flip side it is sad. Folks have recommended therapy and encouraged me to stay on my meds. Thank you for your advice and concern. I have been dealing with depression since my early 20's and have been on more meds than I care to count. I had a difficult pregnancy dealing with the depression and refused to take even drugs that were considered "safe" for fear of what might affect my daughter. Shortly after delivery I was in utter despair and had to be treated for post-partum depression. I have been medicated ever since and have undergone some extensive therapy for over a year. I am glad that I can recognize when I am slipping into a low point and can take action to prevent that. I once lamented to my therapist that I had difficulty thinking that I'd have to spend the rest of my life never feeling "good". For the most part, I guess I feel the closest to "good" as I have in a loooong time but unfortunately my "good" also includes episodes like Saturday's. It is a comfort to me to know that I have a place where I can come and vent, express myself through writing and a little digital art, without being judged.

Thank You


  1. I feel your pain since depressionand severe enxiety runs in my family on my Dad's side. I used medication in my younger years until a book called " potaoes, not Prozac" set me straight and explained alot!
    Please send me a e-mail. I'd like to snail mail you a special gift from someone who has "been" there.

  2. Glad to hear that you took comfort in some many of us writing to you! I would agree that half the battle is being able to recognize certain feelings when they come. Anxiety gets me more than depression, but the two go hand in hand. I just try to keep my chin up too. There's a funny Pa. Dutch saying "the hurrier I go, the behinder I get." That definitely happens to me. On those days I sit and watch TV!

  3. I too understand. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have been on meds for nearly 30 years. I'm thankful to say that I cope well most of the time. I once went to a seminar for medical professionals. The speaker was from Johns Hopkins. Her thesis wass that nearly all gifted people, in art, music, writing etc. suffer from this problem. She gave overwhelming evidence from the lives of many well known gifted people. One comment she made was that such people seem to be born with fewer layers of skin -- in other words we're not thick skinned enough! We have insight, and feel pain and joy to a greater depth than those who are not so gifted. There are those who refuse to take medication because they "lose" their giftedness. I made the choice for meds, for the sake of my family and friends who have to live with me, and for myself, to reduce the pain.

  4. So glad your doing better...
    Been there, done that!

  5. I think we all go thru some sort of depression and have lows from time to time. Some fight it more then others. Please know that we are all here for you. Vent away my friend. We will all listen and be there for you and with you.
    You are certainly NOT alone.......

  6. Heather, I missed you post on your feelings and had to go back and read it before writing! I am glad you are feeling better.....but, you are not alone. I too have taken medication to bring up my chemical levels in my brain and keep me from falling into really SAD moods! Many of my artist friends and creative friends suffer from the same type of thing......Thank God for the brains that created the relief(meds.)we have access to......Not sure if they make anyone "normal", but they are certainly a help:D