16 February 2007

I suck...

Ok, I suck. I am sorry, my blogging has been erratic at best lately. I am OK... the depression/ SAD has not caused me to go off and do anything rash.
Thanks to those of you who have taken the time to write me off list and share your stories and offer words of encouragement and support. Sometimes when you are feeling at your lowest it helps to have folks, even strangers, offer small bits of light. Its these little flickers that can lead you out of the cave.
I have been told, often, by my counselor, that the years when our children are young are amongst the most challenging in a woman's (couple's) life. Even though they truly are the wonder years, and I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be home and experience each day, it HAS been a difficult change in my life. Moms have to undergo a transformation of self and rediscovery of the new person they are in the role of mommy.
I try to be the best mommy I can but it has been a struggle to give up who I was before, the freedoms I had and make that transformation. I feel so guilty, so often about my struggle, my feelings and for being depressed when I have so much going for me and I am so lucky. Rationally, I KNOW these things... I have a home, a supportive husband who has a thriving business which enables me to be home full time with our beautiful, funny and bright daughter. I have family and friends and we are healthy (mostly, lol). But the thing about depression is that it is an illness, a chemical imbalance in the brain that ignores the heart and the logical part of the mind. These are the things I must remember and I am going to try to adopt a page from my friend Kim's book in saying my word for this week.. or month... maybe the year is ACCEPTANCE!!

Anyway, that was a long digression from what I meant to post. I have taken pictures of various things but have not loaded them from my camera. I have downloaded content for both upcoming issues of Portals but have not done a single layout. I have addressed address labels but not mailed anything the last couple of days. I SUCK! LOL I am just filling everyone in on the fact that I am working on it, I will follow through ( I always do) and I am just running behind. Especially on Portals.. (does anyone want a job doing digital layouts.. the pay sucks but its fun! LOL ) and getting ready for ArtFest. Why do I think I can do all this stuff???!! Sheesh...
I'll do the best I can and I can ACCEPT that.

Oh, one final thing. My friend Lisa ( Ocean Dreamer) is starting a wonderful new giveaway project inspired by Sandy/ ArtTeaLife's heARTs giveaway. I am participating and I hope you will too. Check the detail here!


  1. Hey Heather! I am running behind too. I will have that article to you sometime on Monday. This last week was hectic.
    :) Hang in there!

  2. More people have problems with depression then you know. It's nice that you're so courageous to say so. Hang in there. As someone who also has that problem, there's always ebb and flow. It's a matter of being patient. I'm sure you have good support. I know that's what helps me. By the way your artwork is beautiful!!

  3. HugZ from me here in Canada! My doctor just put me back on meds for depression.. I know how debilatating it can be .. but hang in there girl!

    Your art work has been very inspiring me. I'm happy I found your blog!!

  4. Karin (creativechaos)2/17/07, 1:02 PM

    I'm sending hugs your way.....

  5. Heather... being a mom is the most stressful and yet fullfilling job on the plantet! Never feel guilty of taking time for yurself... no matter if it is a bubble bath with candles lit... or making you something special, reading a book, etc... I appreciate that you are willing to share how you feel... Not all of us can do that...
    Peace be with you...

    Doing the zine is a huge step, but what gratufication... Because of yours and Jolene's dedication for doing the best, it is the best... I know I have really enjoyed the new issue and the the past two issues I have gotten from you...
    Sammy (Veleta) from Oregon